Mario, Sonic, the Eds, and Friends Ride Star Tours (Original Version)/Script
RX-24: Welcome aboard! This is Captain Rex from the cockpit. I know this is probably your first flight, and it’s… mine, too! Ha ha. Dr. Robotnik: This better be good... Luigi: Sure! They're gonna love it. Right guys..? Right! (Tone sounds, indicating the ship is ready to launch) RX-24: Well, it looks like we’re going to have a smooth flight to Endor, so I’ll go ahead and open the cockpit shield. Scratch: And don't do anything stupid this time. Grounder: Aww... Give me a break! It's not like I try to be stupid. (The shield in front of all the seats lowers, revealing RX-24 in person in the left corner of the ship. In the center of the ship is a window to sightsee out of. Right now, all they see is a door.) RX-24: Hi there! R2-D2: (visible on cabin monitor, being loaded into the top of the StarSpeeder) RX-24: I see they’re loading our navigator R2-D2, and then we’ll be on our way. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the flight. Yoshi: Oh... Yoshi hungry... Luigi: You'll have to wait. (The StarSpeeder shifts and starts to raise up to the runway.) Control Tower: Star Tours forty-five, elevator platform has been activated. Commence final pre-launch sequence. Ed: Private Do Not Enter is ready for duty, chief! Luigi: Hold on, Yoshisaur! RX-24: Roger, Control, all status go. Control Tower: ST-45, you are cleared for takeoff. Contact Departure Control at one-two-zero-point-four. Edd: I don't have a good feeling about this... Ed: I don't have any feeling at all. RX-24: Copy, one-two-zero-point-four. (The gang sees another StarSpeeder ship ahead of them going into a right-curving tunnel above which flashes the word LAUNCH. Their StarSpeeder all of a sudden makes a very jolting left turn – and is now headed through some doors marked ‘MAINTENANCE BAY – NO ADMITTANCE’ !) Luigi: WHOA!! Control Tower: Forty-five, you’re going the wrong way! Stop immediately! Sonic: That's no good. Mario: Ah! RX-24: Uh-oh, wrong way. Brakes. Brakes! Where are the brakes?! Edd: Oh dear... Luigi: Uh-oh... Everyone: ' R2-D2: (The Starspeeder falls over a sharp drop into the maintenance area. Another StarSpeeder is visible on the floor just as we pull up from the near-certain impact. The StarSpeeder levels off and drifts to the right towards an elevated office window, causing three people wearing orange jumpsuits to duck. One of them is ILM’s Academy Award-winning special effects wizard Dennis Muren. It swerves left, into the path of a swinging gantry arm, forcing it to veer right.) Sonic: Ahh! (The StarSpeeder raises toward a square exit portal in the back of the Maintenance Bay, through which the StarSpeeder the gang previously saw entering the Launch Tunnel is visible moving against the stars. That ship jumps to lightspeed and is gone. Rex realizes he’s inadvertently caught up with the traffic queue and tries to play it off as intentional.) Ed: Do it again! Ha ha ha! RX-24: Uhh… I meant to do that! A little shortcut… Ha ha! Dr. Robotnik: ' (Star Wars theme music cuts in sharply) RX-24: R2! R2-D2: RX-24: Lightspeed to Endor! R2-D2: Everyone: ' (Stars whizz by the gang at light speed, pushing them back into their seats – due to the fact that they are traveling at lightspeed. The cabin monitor flashes the message “Approaching Endor”. The gang then sees Endor fly by as they pass it. The cabin monitor then flashes the message “Leaving Endor”.) RX-24: R2! We passed the Endor moon! Yoshi: Oh, Yoshi hungry. Luigi: Look! R2-D2: (In front of the StarSpeeder, the gang sees streaming particles of ice coming closer to them.) RX-24: Now what’s the matter? R2-D2: RX-24: Comets? Comets! (Sound effect- seat belt light coming on) RX-24: Ladies and gentlemen, there may be some turbulence up ahead, please make sure your seatbelts are fastened! Ed: Cool! (The StarSpeeder dodges some oncoming comets, then comes uncomfortably close to one oncoming comet and then goes into the comet.) Mario: Ah! Luigi: WHOA!! RX-24: I have a very bad feeling about this! Grounder: Uh oh... Dr. Robotnik: Oh no! Everyone: ' (The StarSpeeder swerves right and left to avoid hitting the sides of any of the narrow ice crystal pathways inside the comet. It is like going through a maze.) Dr. Robotnik, Scratch and Grounder: ' Eddy: Whoaaaaa!!! (The StarSpeeder comes to a dead end within the comet – a solid wall of ice. It then plows right through the ice wall and finds that it's back in outer space, free from the confines of the comet.) Everyone: ' Luigi: WHOA!! (We hear a crystalline fracturing noise as the StarSpeeder smashes out of the comet into clear space) RX-24: Well, you can relax now. Everything’s under control, and, uh, we will be on our way to the Endor moon without any further delay. Luigi: Oh... See, Yoshisaur? Nothing to be scared of... (The StarSpeeder gradually leans more and more to the right as RX-24 is saying this. It is clear everything is not under control. In front of the Starspeeder, the gang sees another ship, a huge ship – an Imperial Star Destroyer. The Starspeeder gets pulled closer and closer to its underbelly. The cabin monitor flashes the message, “System Override”.) RX-24: Oh no! We’re caught in a tractor beam! Luigi: *gasp* Except that! Mario: Sh*t... (Flying around in front of the Starspeeder are attacking X-Wing fighters and TIE Fighters. The cabin monitor breaks in with an image of an X-Wing fighter pilot talking to us…) Red Leader: Star Tours?!? What are you doing here? Eddy: Where'd you come from? Red Leader: This is a combat zone, it’s restricted! Mario: So? Red Leader: Ease off on your main thruster. (RX-24 eases off the rear thruster, just as one of the X-wings scores a hit inside the Star Destroyer’s hangar, presumably destroying the tractor beam projector, and although the StarSpeeder is no longer being drawn in, The gang is now trapped in the middle of a battle between the Rebellion and the Empire.) Edd: Oh my! Mario: Quick, Yoshi! Or we may never get out of here! Ed: (They see ships fly about firing away against the backdrop of the Death Star. In particular, watch for the very lucky bank shot that one X-wing pilot gets off, which knocks one TIE Fighter into another, killing two enemies with one blast. Even the StarSpeeder is fired upon, so it begins to fire against oncoming TIE Fighters. Good thing R2 and 3PO made sure the StarSpeeder's defensive laser cannons, intended for clearing asteroids and other debris from our path, were fully charged and functional! The gang then feels a massive jolt, and The StarSpeeder plummets towards the Death Star suddenly. The cabin monitor flashes the message, “Malfunction”.) RX-24: Aaahhhh! We’ve been hit! The Eds: ' Luigi: Oh no! RX-24: R2, get the stabilizer fixed…and hurry! Dr. Robotnik: ' RX-24: We’re losing altitude fast! Luigi: HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!!! Scratch and Grounder: ' R2-D2: (The gang hangs on for a little while, and then evidently R2 does restore power back to our ship. The cabin monitor flashes the message, “Systems OK”.) Ed: Holy Mackerel! Mario: What's this kingdom coming to? Red Leader: Red Twenty-Four, Red Thirty, follow me. RX-24: (possibly mistaking the callsign ‘Red Twenty-Four’ for his own name, RX-24) O-kay! I’ve always wanted to do this! Luigi: That's when the REAL fun started. RX-24: We’re going in! Edd: Oh dear... (The StarSpeeder flies toward the surface of the Death Star, and nearly hit the back of an X-Wing fighter in front of us) Scratch: Oh no! Not that! RX-24: Yikes! Mario: Uh oh! (Rex slides the StarSpeeder to starboard to avoid hitting the X-Wing fighter.) Yoshi: Ooh! Funabunga! Mario: No, Yoshi. Edd: Not good! Ed: I'm in my happy place Double D! (The StarSpeeder follows the X-Wing fighters in front of us against the varied surface of the Death Star. It swerves in and out of openings, and dodges enemy shot blasts.) RX-24: Yaaa-hooo!!! Luigi: Heads up, Yosh! Edd and Eddy: ' Ed: Faster, pussycat! Faster! Red Leader: Red 24, I’m going in! Eddy: Ed! Give it a break, will ya!? Scratch and Grounder: ' Ed: You got it, Eddy! (Our ship follows the other ships and flies up and circles around, then goes back toward the Death Star headed toward the trench.) Mario and Luigi: ' RX-24: Whoa! Ha ha! Eddy: Mommy... (In the trench, we blast a couple of oncoming TIE Fighters.) Grounder: ' Sonic: Whoa! Ed: Giddy-up, horsey! Scratch: ' Luigi: We're not gonna make it! Red Leader: I’m in target range… Grounder and Dr. Robotnik: <''Screams>'' (The gang watches as the X-Wing fighter in front of the StarSpeeder drops two shots down the exhaust port at the end of the trench to blow up the Death Star. They see an explosion start to come up from the port. The StarSpeeder quickly raises up.) Red Leader: It’s a hit! RX-24: We did it! Red Leader: All ships, jump to lightspeed. Luigi: Ugh... That was close! R2-D2: RX-24: Hang on back there! Lightspeed! Everyone: '''' (The StarSpeeder once again travels at lightspeed. When it come out of that, The gang is near the Star Tours spaceport.) Eddy: Hey, if you find any teeth laying around... They're mine... (The gang can see other StarSpeeder 3000’s taxi along below us. We enter into a docking bay, with a Supervisor’s office visible at the end. As we continue forward with no signs of slowing, a tanker truck marked ‘FUEL’ on the side moves into our path from the right!) RX-24: Braaaakes!!! Luigi: HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!!! (The StarSpeeder comes to grinding halt, the Fuel Tanker continues to the left before stopping, and we glimpse the Supervisor getting up from behind his desk where he’d ducked, shaking his head over the near-catastrophe. This Supervisor is not played by George Lucas, as the persistent legend would have it, but rather by an ILM chief modelmaker named Ira Keeler. The StarSpeeder now begins to lower on an elevator back down to the maintenace pit, where we can assume it gets worked on rather extensively before once again raising up to the passenger boarding level.) RX-24: Hey, sorry folks. I’m sure to do better next time. Luigi: Hey, you see? Nothing to it! RX-24: It was my first flight, and I’m still getting used to my programming! Dr. Robotnik: Well, gentlemen? How do you like it? (The shield at the front of the ship starts to raise up) RX-24: Hey! HEY! C-3P0: (on the cabin monitor) We do hope you enjoyed your tour of Endor, and will come back soon. Now please remain seated until the captain has opened the exit doors. Grounder: Hmm... Scratch: Uh... Oh! We love it! Grounder: Yeah! It's the best one we've ever seen! Scratch: If we were gonna build one ourselves, we'd make it exactly like that. Grounder: Exactly! C-3PO: You may then unlatch your safety restraints by pressing the release button on your left. Oh, and do make sure you have your personal belongings. Thank you. Goodbye!